In life one would have different views than the other party, such that one thinks he is right, while the other wrong.
Some felt... nothing at all yet some felt the world.

Some actions taken led one to think over and over,
while left the other feeling quite indifferent about it.

Sometimes what we perceive, derive conclusions out of events and we thought the other would feel the same, yet what they conclude is not in line.

When are we to intersect in the course of life and come to an agreement? As much as they say being able to read minds and understand, as much as they say to know exactly how one feel, it is only to a certain extent that they are capable of.

As always, the minds keep so many secrets and when let out, destroy many deemed precious. But bottling can only lead to destruction.

So what should one do?

Left alone, the mind buzzed with unnecessary reminders and facts that goes on playback, coming up with the most absurd conclusions from what I see and what I feel.
Yet as absurd as it is, there's the faint hope of wanting it to be true. And still voices ran through. Reconciliation with both possible and beyond is tough.

How silly.

Tending to cling on to old photographs that has long faded and meant nothing, nothing except only where I imagine it to come alive.

Which is more selfish, to feel the acute pain lying through teeth clenched too tightly for other's benefit?
Or to severe whatever ties we have so to refrain from it, such that severing ties would hurt both, but having a more personal gain?

How is it, to protect one, you feel the lines cutting into your skin?

Is it right to lay down the floor unknowingly slick and expect one to walk it, and however cautious one is, the possibilty of falling is there?
Mm somehow there are certain issues best left unsaid, but best felt and so to know boundaries without ever speaking it out.
Awkwardness, and to a larger extent calamity may ensued if spoken out, but without speaking the lines would always be blurred.
And it takes a clairvoyant to achieve such feat.

And the story goes on.

Actions always speak louder than words.
What if both contradict? What is best to believe? As much as words seduce one to believe, action is there to ground it all.
What if its the other way around?


As always, I'm just tired. The weekends had been horrid, so so horrid. Saturday night when I was left alone, tending to the heart which gets increasingly noisy in the silence of an empty house. Dinner did brought up my spirits, thank you Pei and mother, but after that it felt so so painful, further made better and worse by a phone call.

How did it come to this? I really have no idea. I have no more words to spare anyone, so I thought, that I would just resign and come back. So desperate for company to get things off the mind, but as always asking for it was not something I am comfortable with.
Felt so weary ready to be hit by another round of it when dusk went and came the night.


But the doorbell rang, and there they stood,
Osha And Kyun, ready to save me until they caught a last bus home.



Really, you two, thank you so, so much.

ofblack&white
12:03 PM

A brief before I go.

Ah we attempted free BnJs cone day yesterday but obviously queue was mother long and it spiraled to the third floor (shop's on the second). Obviously disappointed but Cold Storage and cheap bread made up for it.

Mmmmm this week is the last week of school, she nearly robbed me of my crumpler because it's so filthy and she wants to wash it for me. How sweet. 5th June, I'll pass them all to you (: Nowadays the race is quite on, I need to be more intensive but somehow there's a moment or two that I just felt like I want to give up. But I must persevere!

I cannot wait for examinations to be over (it's not even started yet haha!) so I can resume full force teaching and just plain rolling on beds, more movie marathons, sleepovers, holidays, cycling and so much more. This is a motivation to study so I can actually LOOK forward to the papers.

But then, eight weeks. ELF, EIGHT WEEKS. How the fuck am I suppose to survive eight weeks when I am so used to having you around?? This is not fair. Just thinking about it gives me a sense of dread.

And a sense of not wanting the exams to be over.


GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.


Oh and, beautiful day today; sunny with clumpy clouds. If any of you isn't out enjoying it, go.

ofblack&white
11:55 AM

I love these.

ofblack&white
1:53 AM

"You're my special angel.
Show me the way..."

ofblack&white
1:43 PM

My thosai craving was satisfied, I ate two of them at one go even.

Please refrain from saying "pig".

It's getting more nerve-racking as the days pass. I am really trying but I guess it might just not be... enough.


ANYWAY to not think of depressing shitz (like exams yo) I went supper with Cj (: And there I ate two thosais. We sat around talking about life and all the shitz that's been going on and counting blessings. She even sent me home, such a man <3


Insomnia isn't really the best of company, not when she's asleep and not when I have to teach tomorrow at an unGodly hour.

ofblack&white
1:40 AM

"When you were here before.
I couldn't look you in the eye.
You are just like an angel.
Your skin makes me cry.

You float like a feather.
In a beautiful world.
I wish I was special.
You're so fucking special.

But I am a creep.
I am a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.

I don't care if it hurts.
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body.
I want a perfect soul.

I want you to notice
when I'm not around.
You're so fucking special.
I wish I was special.

She's running out again.
She runs, runs... runs.

Whatever makes you happy.
Whatever you want."

I had some shots of a very pretty sunset (it's on fb or the other blog, if you know the other blog). It's just worth the climb and wait haha!

"We should watch sunsets together!"

Yes we should.

Anyway I had lunch at Charco's with the mother, and she likes the salad bar. I do too. I probably stuffed my face away and now to punish myself for being a glutton I hadn't anything except a pathetic apple since lunch.

I WANT BREAKFAST TO COME FASTER.

Anyway ilikat recorded more songs (I can't be the one who kept singing dammit it's your turn!) and I really enjoy it. Maybe I should just spend my life basking away in Europe. What an experience it will be.

Whenever I play Creep (the song above), I feel a certain amount of emotion running through.
Maybe it's something I can relate to.

Oh wells. My days can't get anymore trigger happy with morning greetings and later morning sweetings.

Ha!

ofblack&white
2:16 AM

"You keep me in a glass jar sealed with a label
You think you know my world
Wake up young girl
and take a taste of life that we must
We've got a lot to learn, yeah
My love, my life, my work, my time
I give them all to you
Your hand in mine, we walk, we talk in ryhme
We go the whole night through yeah

But i'm not a grain of sand
I don't care what's written in your hand
cause it's bound to change, yeah

Sore, bored, and I'm lost, cost, cold
Getting older
Buy the book, rip it up now, have it sewn
I'm a grower
Anymore, anymore, anymore, anymore
I wanna be with you
Just wanna be with you

But you tease me
And it shows in the way that you play,
You think you know my love
Wake up young girl
And take a taste, not a bite, of life,
You can tell you never come, yeah well
My will, my mind, my lips, my lines
I've got them all over you

Your taste combined
With all the years of wasting time
I've got a hold on something new


But i don't wanna pray for what is not right
And I don't wanna beg for what is not mine
I don't wanna run the road between dreams and worthy things
Oh i could charge, man I could really try
But I don't wanna be the brave one in a senseless fight
No, i, i, i, i just wanna be here tonight


You keep me in a glass jar sealed with a label
You think you know my world
Wake up young girl"

I never really liked the rain before, because it gets either horridly cold, or horridly humid. Today it probably drowned populations but I never felt happier nowadays when it rained.
Since it reminds you of me, all the time.

((:

ofblack&white
12:38 AM

Today was definitely a bizarre day, come towards the end of it.

At Michelle's party, I saw Wei Ling from school. Wei Ling?! GOSH it's really peculiar knowing that she is Michelle's closer SC friend.

AND THE BEST THING WAS THAT I MET HER BEFORE 3 YEARS AGO AND CALLED HER ROSY BECAUSE SHE GOT ROSY CHEEKS. AND THAT SHE WAS FROM AJC.
I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER THAT UNTIL IT HIT ME LIKE A BRICK (a brick wall seemed more apt).


The next was that when I went to Michelle's older blogpost to recall Weiling AKA Rosy,
WHEN I SAW PRISCILLA AND PAMELA LIM'S PHOTOS PLASTERED ON HER BLOG.

KAT WE'RE JUST GOSSIPING ABOUT THEM OHMYGOD.

I can't stand this, I feel terribly weirded out.
Totally man.

ofblack&white
11:16 PM

Funniest shit of the year man.

-------------


Ili: eh i talk to you in an hour's time
Ili: im studying on the floor
Ili: so its tiring to keep getting back up to reply
Kat: lol
Kat: no
Kat: REPLY
Kat: GET UP
Kat: AHAHA
Kat: EXERCISE
Kat: LAZY BONES
Kat: HAHAHA
Kat: HELLO
Kat: HELLO
Kat: HELLO
Kat: HELLO
Kat: HELLO
Kat: HELLOOOOOOO
Kat: HAHAHH
Kat: k la
Kat: i shant disturb you
Kat: have fun studying
Kat: but please. i only wellwish my wish because it is only lasting for 5mins
Kat: after 5 mins stop studying
Kat: cos its not fun anymore
Kat: spoil market only
Kat: lol
Kat: 5oclock got ellen show
Kat: go watch go watch go watch
Kat: actually today i wanted to ask you to play guitar
Kat: but i got so lazy
Kat: and i realise transportation is a problem
Kat: because i have to beg a beggar to give me money
Kat: hahah
Kat: am i disturbing enough yet?
Kat: i bet you just wanna go offline
Kat: or i bet you find the msn sounds sounding rather rhythmic
Kat: haha.
Kat: anyway
Kat: alrigh
Kat: i shall go eat chocolates
Kat: curb the fingers
Kat: hahah
Kat: hahaha
Kat: hahaha
Kat: hahahahah
Kat: hahahahah
Kat: hahahahaha
Kat: hahahaha
(this is where I text her : I'm on busy status so there won't be any sound from the com, but I can see you type. It'll be a one way convo!)
Kat: wah lao
Kat: sly minah!
Kat: wanna send msg and all
Kat: shit you la
Kat: wth wth wth.
Kat: i feel so punk'd
Kat: hahaha
Kat: one way convo
Kat: okay
Kat: then you ONE WAY CONVO ALL THE WAY THEN
Kat: fine nadirah/precious
Kat: hahahahahahaha
Kat: F > I > N > E


HAHAH I couldn't take it that I had to call her. And there she was thinking she's annoying me while all the time I'm on the floor, the screen turned to my direction and her conversation window on full screen, literally rolling on the floor laughing my ass off.

AIYOH KAT DON'T ACT CUTE CAN.

ofblack&white
5:17 PM

Right now, I am dying in Econometrics hell.

I NEEEEEEEEEED HELP.

ofblack&white
3:37 PM

You think my parents won't pull off the same trick again but they did.
Remember in 2005 they went gallivanting in Europe and left me in Singapore? And in 2007 they went hopping around Canada and parts of the States, leaving their poor daughter behind?
Now they are setting off to Bali in the middle of May (my examination period please) so that I could not follow.

PARENTS, WHY.

I've been in an academic rut but I am doing my best to climb out. I hope I succeed but the thing with this is that procrastination, yet again, get the better of me.

Never mind, persevering still. I am happy where I am actually and I don't want anything to change (think Solow Growth).
But in life, if you are enjoying TOO much, something is wrong.

“Oh soul,
you worry too much.
You have seen your own strength.
You have seen your own beauty.
You have seen your golden wings.
Of anything less,
why do you worry?
You are in truth
the soul,
of the soul,
of the soul.”
-Rumi

ofblack&white
10:27 AM